A few years back I slagged off Five Guys because the burgers made me feel fat and shit. And while there’s a certain expectation that burgers will always make you feel a bit fat and a bit shit, there are different levels of feeling fat and shit. I felt very fat and very shit. The grease was next level.
Then the other night I went to see Alice Cooper in concert at the Stone Free festival at London’s 02. He was great. So great that when he played Poison I dropped my phone into my pint (it survived, somehow). Poison is that song I always pester the DJ for at the end of a night out. Never invite me to your wedding.
Anyway, he played the last song and he came out and we were really hungry and there was no queue at Five Guys. “Fuck it,” we thought. We’ll try one.
So £8 is steep for a fast food-style cheeseburger, but we figured out a way to make your money back. Toppings. All the toppings. There are 15 to choose from and we just said we’d take everything (actually it’s surely just easier for the people working there, too). That’s mushrooms, onions, jalapenos, etc etc. In those 15 toppings there are four sauces.
That’ll make your burger look like this:
In hindsight, the tomatoes were a mistake (I blame the pints). But this burger tasted good! (Partly because of the pints). I didn’t feel fat and shit AT ALL!
There’s a lot of Shake Shack vs Five Guys chat. This was a vast improvement, but Shake Shack’s always the winner for me. Still, I liked it. I’d go again, and I never thought I’d say that.
Quite fancy one now actually.